Coming to Christ
Where are you from? No really, think about it. I am from a dirt road, porch sitting, slow Sunday, clay mud tires. I am from a town where everyone at Walmart knows you (which can be good or bad), but no matter what they would hug your neck. In this town, it’s easy to just to go with the flow and to take what people tell you as the truth. In my town, people tell you what you are and most of the time you are okay with it. I lived in the heart of the southern baptist bible belt, where people assume you are a Christian so much so you do as well.
I am good with God.
I wouldn’t say I grew up in church. I would go every so often with either my Nana or aunt. I remember one of those Sunday, I began to go up to an altar call to receive Christ, slightly wanting to turn around and sit down. The 9 year old me was shy and had no idea what she was doing. I go up to the front with my aunt we kneel to the stairs at the front. She prayed over me as a smile ran across my face and my eyes wide open as I thought about all the attention I was getting. Needless to say, I was a very selfish child. Don’t get me wrong I believe my first intentions to go up were pure but once I got up there it was all about me. Once we left those stairs, everyone told me I was a Christian and that was that.
I grew up believing that I was a Christian with very little questions asked. My family were Christians and everyone around me were Christians. I thought if you walk like a duck and sound like a duck, you’re a duck, applied to Christians as well.
One day I talked to my uncle about not being sure about what I believed, if I was going to heaven or not. He reminded me of my acceptance at 9 at church that one Sunday. So I thought “I am good with God.”
Walking Blind
I lived my life believing this. Though no one would be able to tell you that they saw God in my life. I was walking blind, stubbornly, selfishly, disrespectfully, and definitely not with God. But I had no conviction of it at all, which comes to really show you. For example, my brother and I would argue as siblings would but my brother is 7 years younger them me. When we argued I would act his age not mine, and although some times he would be at fault I was the one who always got in trouble by my mom. I would back talk my mom like you have never seen. Never in front of my dad though because I treated him with respect and reverence of a person that would put a stop to my selfish world in a minute. I would apologize to my mom, but it meant nothing when I turned around and did it again.
My idols
That brings me to well, if I didn’t live for Christ, who did I live for. Hands down, I lived to make my parents proud. This came through grades pretty easy, but everywhere else was rather a struggle. I put the pressure of being perfect on myself. I didn’t necessarily feel like my parents expected that from me. I remember one day, we were cleaning our rescue cats. We all know cats don’t like water, but if you hold them by the cuff of their neck it allows you to bathe them. Well, I couldn’t hold them correctly no matter how hard my dad tried to show me. It just began to make him mad and he took over. I idolized my dad so much, that this hurt me emotionally. I was upset that I couldn’t do what he asked me to do. Satan took that and ran with it. That night, I laid in bed being taunted by Satan. I thought if the only things I am good at is arguing with my brother, yelling at my mom, cussing out my sister, and not doing anything right to my dad, and getting good grades, what am I good for? I felt worthless! I began to have small thoughts of leaving the world. The next morning, I just pretended like it never happened.
My desire to make my parents happy continued throughout High School. Getting good grades, making decisions based off what they would do, etc. They were the first things that popped into my head whenever I had a tough decision in front of me. I would think, well would this make them mad, is this a good idea, would this make them proud. Although it isn’t bad to want to make your parents proud, it cannot be your purpose in life nor what you worship. This took a long time for me to realize and let go of.
God can work through it!
So to back track a minute, we moved to Willow Spring in 2010 when I was a freshman in high school. I was so happy to move because I was not a well liked person at my old school. Literally, people cheered when I left. I was honestly hated because I did what was right but that got other people in trouble. Anyway, due to the lack of positive attention I was afraid of continued ridicule, I spent my first year in high school under the radar. I kept who I was in a little pocket of friends that my sister had and shared with me. I had 1 or 2 friends that I could call my own. Well this continued into sophomore year until I finally opened up into Junior year. I joined Color Guard in the Marching Band. I loved it, made good friends, felt good about who I was. We ended the year with practice and laughs as we left for the summer.
I went to Morganton, that small town I grew up in for the summer. It was about 1 week into summer when I got a phone call about a friend of mine, I had only seen a few weeks before, had tragically died. She was getting ready for her brothers graduation and had a seizure in her bathroom. This was my first real encounter with death. Now, at first I thought it was a sick joke. But once I realized it was true, I was furious with God. After all, she was healthy, younger than me, smart, kind, beautiful, and had a full life a head of her. I was mad a God because I couldn’t wrap my brain around why he could do that.
This happened on a Wednesday in 2013. I went to church with my aunt the following Sunday where I was still upset. I was upset about selfishly not being able to go to the funeral and how God could do this to her. I am a selfish person (present tense). I cried the entire time I was at church. My aunt asked me if I was okay and said it was about my friend. Little did she or I know, God was working on my heart. There was an altar call to come and pray at the cross, not salvation. I went up with my aunts family and began to pray with them in between sobs. My aunt felt something more was wrong, I told her I had no confidence in my salvation. She asked the preacher to come over. He asked me questions that I said yes to and he said a prayer with and over me. As we finished, I jumped up on to my aunt with snot and tears going every where. I felt as though I was lifted out of my body with immense joy! I don’t think it happens like that for everyone, but I knew something changed. On my way to the car, I felt weird to have been saved at 17 when I thought people expect you to come to know Christ so much sooner. Once I got to the car, I realized that this moment was real and it was the moment I chose Jesus.
What Now?
Honestly, nothing. I didn’t know what a walk with God looked like. My limited understanding came from my aunt who lived 3.5 hours away. I thought for a while, that it was a checklist. I accepted Christ and that was it. I was never taught about discipleship, reading the bible, or how to walk with God. I began to read the bible my aunt gave to me and my mind began to shift. The old me began to die. OH THANK GOODNESS.
That was how I came to Christ, the rest I will explain through how God worked through things to get me to where I am today.
I hope that this has been eye opening and encouraging to you that God can work through even the hard things like death to reveal your need for Him. Through this, I also hope that you don’t doubt your salvation but truly consider what you believe. Not what your family, those around you, or what your friends believe. Ask yourself, what do I believe? My fear for the bible belt is not that they aren’t exposed to the Gospel but the fact that they will live their lives believing that they are Saved because people tell them what they are and they believe it. Question what others believe before you think you believe it too.
Here are just a few questions to consider:
- Where are you from and how has that impacted your experience with Church, Christ, the Bible etc?
- What are you idolizing still today? What can you do to let go?
- How did you come to know Christ? How amazing is God to bring you to Him!
Thank yall!
—LOVE, Amber