My Testimony

When in Doubt

November 1, 2020 /

Have you ever asked yourself, “am I enough?” or “How can God really forgive me with all of the sin I carry?” Well let me assure you that He can and will you if you believe in Him.

16″ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

This is the most well know Bible verse in the world. However, I have doubted that I truly accepted this for myself.

Growing up, I always felt bad when I didn’t get something right. If I thought I did something the wrong way I asked to make sure over and over again. I never had a lot of confidence in myself, especially with things that matter. Satan knew this about me and made me think that I couldn’t have been saved sense I didn’t speak with my mouth to accept God. I prayed to accept God through tears and sobs. God said to accept and Worship with Spirit and Truth. True worship and Love comes from the heart.

24 “For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” John 4:24

On a summer mission in 2016, this really hit hard. Satan made me seriously doubt about my salvation. I began to picture the weight of my sin on the cross and how terrible it was. That it was too much for God to forgive. I knew that God had the power to save but I felt guilty for putting Jesus on the cross. Later that Summer, I was baptized after God reassured me that was His.

Now that wasn’t the end of Satan’s attack at this weakness of mine. I often think that if I have Christ, then there would be more fruit of the Spirit in my life. That I would have more,

“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23

Although that it is true that I would have more by the Spirit. When I couldn’t see the fruit, I doubted God was with me. People would tell me they could see the fruit in my life, but I was being my own worst critic.

That’s the thing I never doubted God, His power, or that His word was true. I just doubted that it was for me. That I wasn’t good enough to have God or ever had enough faith.

After my baptism, I spent 2 years growing in my faith without a doubt in my mind that I was the Lord’s. Then I came home from college in 2018 and joined a small group after not being in a community for a while. I struggled with feeling like I was going through the motions or doing what Christians do but not having fruit. I would feel like I sinned with every moment of the day and that if I had God, I would be less sinful and more like Christ.

That’s simply not how it works. When you become a Christian, it may seem like you sin more, instead you can better see your sin because you have the Holy Spirit and conviction is evident of Christ walking with you. So, if you think that you have not been doing well and have conviction, let God use that to grow you, not Satan fill you with doubt.

Honestly, one of my biggest fears in my life is that I and those around me think that I am a christian and not really be one. But once you are God’s and you truly believe and ask God into your life, it’s only your choice that can turn you from God.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” John 5:24

“My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.“

If you love God, in Spirit and Truth, and you believe God is with you. Then He will be. You have to believe that even if you can’t see God working in your life, He is. It’s not about seeing to believe in the great plans He has for your life.

So if you have accepted Christ, then He has you despite what you feel. Despite what Satan says. I have to be reminded of this often and it makes me love God even more as I remember just how deep His love really is to save a wretch like me.

Doubt No More

I am with you. I get it. Doubt can be hard, whether it’s doubt in salvation or God himself. But just know you are not alone. I am made confident again when I think about how the old me used to be verses the new me with Christ and how truly different it is. If you have a change about yourself for the better, then think on the work that God has done in your life through that. Here are some questions to renew your confidence in Christ:

  1. What are you doubting and why?
  2. When did this start?
  3. Is what you are feeling conviction or Satan trying to make you feel guilty or shameful?
  4. How has God used you sense you have come to know him?
  5. How are you different from how you were?
  6. If you are doubting God and who He is, think about why and when this started. Do you see the footprints of Satan trying to attach a weakness or a weak time?

As always thank you for your support. I pray this post is an encouragement in a unknown time.

–LOVE, Amber